My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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