....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
