Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
