WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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