Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
