There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
