Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
