This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
