"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
