those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
