my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
