Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
