Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
