i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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