Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
