Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
