I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
