my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
