I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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