i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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