I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You are a genius and a whore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
