youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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