It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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