the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
