Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
