I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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