So drunk its hurt
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
