yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
