the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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