Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
