you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
