Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
