Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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