I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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