Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize