Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
