So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i think my cat just said my name.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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