ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
