When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
