Your face is a jimmy john
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
