How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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