i may or may not be watching the land before time
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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