can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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