..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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