just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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