You really coming over, don't trick.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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