before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
