I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
