Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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