Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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