apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
