she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize