Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
