He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
