so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
