i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
