Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
