Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This baby is an asshole
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
