My Higher Power is John Stamos
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
