so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
