But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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