Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
