Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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