I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize