Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize