Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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