Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
