yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize