I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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