He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
