So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
