I think I died a long time ago.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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