Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I want a musical about memes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize