Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize