I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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