my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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