it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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