his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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