Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
