those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This house was built for laser tag.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
