Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
