the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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