Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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