I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love you. Go after that dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
