my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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