lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
