But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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