You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm too high and old for this...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
