So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
