Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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