You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
